Point P: the secrets of the prostate orgasm

What looks like prostate orgasm?

Alain Héril: The prostate orgasm succession of inner feeling, not unlike the habit in men, a feeling of something that goes to the outside. This is why often, it is a gender dimension. It is also a more global orgasmic sensation: it affects the whole body, not just the main genital area. Some also tend to say that it is a more powerful orgasm, more subtle than the usual orgasms. His other feature is that it does not ejaculate size. Although sometimes it may be accompanied by ejaculation.

How to get there?

AH: For stimulation of the prostate. Access is relatively easy, except that it requires an anal insertion or manual level or through sex toys, some of which have specificity, stimulating the famous point P, to cause an orgasm prostate.

What can offer a man stimulating his prostate? Some speak of a revolution, is this really the case?
AH: Yes, it is a revolution since this practice completely upsets the representation we had the male orgasm and the human role in sexuality. There, the man becomes the one who is penetrated. And the pleasure experienced is independent of any procreative dimension. As for women, during clitoral stimulation. Both sexes find themselves in something feminine. This is also a fundamental shift: while thousands of years we in the West experienced a primarily male sexuality, things are changing. Currently, we are witnessing a reversal of values, with the idea that female libido is a type of energy - which is posed for millennia in non-Western approaches such as Tantra - and that men and women must meet in the female area.

It is often thought that the stimulation of the prostate is a practice reserved for homosexuals, is this the case?

AH: It has been for a long time as in the homosexual sexuality, there is naturally a report anality more direct than among heterosexuals. But they accept more the idea that it can also occur in heterosexual anal practices resulting pleasant and particular sensations. In fact, there are many questions, curiosity, but little practice.

Among those who have tried and enjoy stimulating their prostate, the first question is often, "I am a repressed homosexual"? What?

AH: There is in every human being that, in psychoanalysis, is called a psychic bisexuality. Freud spoke already. In the men's sexuality, so there is an element of repressed homosexuality. But that does not mean that all men are homosexuals. The real question is: do we accept this dimension or not? But it is not because a man feels pleasure by stimulating the point P that he is gay. It's simply accept that there is no outright opposition between his sexual personalities: the dominant, pervasive; the other passive. In the prostate stimulation, the man lets himself go. However, this does not mean that it emasculated or loses its ability to be on the side of the dominant. It is simply a game with a more feminine side, more subtle him.

If sodomy is increasingly taboo months, the issue of prostate orgasm often arouses in men and women, a reaction of strong disgust. How to explain it?

AH: In our culture, the anal region remains an area associated with dirt, feces. This is the least noble part of the body. As long as we talk about anality but it remains abstract, it is still acceptable. But when you talk about prostate stimulation, everyone thinks that the prostate, go get her, stimulate ... The anality then creates precise images, which can cause rejection and disgust in many people .

It seems paradoxical that this still known orgasm so powerful in fact remains so taboo; so subversive, even, some say ...
AH: For a long time it has educated men understand that their pleasure was linked to their power of erection and ejaculation. This link is placed in the male collective unconscious. There, it is quite something else. Many think that if they take pleasure in that way, they will no longer have that so. But the stimulation of the prostate is a practice that complements the other. It does not exclude vaginal penetration and all that we know of sexuality.

For men who enjoy it, it is not always easy to broach the subject with their partner. Should we speak of his desire to explore this area in two? How?

AH: It's not easy to talk about because this practice changes the vision we have of what should be sex between a man and a woman. And there are still many women who think that this is the man who makes them enjoy, it should be dominant and they submitted. Everything will depend on the sexual norm that the couple will be implemented. According to her, the talk will be easy or not. In all cases, it is not to talk at all costs, nor do two at any cost. If the couple has a habit of talking about sex, presence of sex toys, playful scenarios, it will be easier to talk naturally to another. But if there is a couple that speaks little of his sexuality, the demand once formulated can be violent for the partner. Finally, if we really need to talk, it's good to do it the way we usually talk about sexuality.

"I did not know I was capable of such intensity orgasmic! "
Rudolph, one of our psychonauts, was one of the few to respond to our appeal for witnesses. He discovered his famous point P . He tells.

"There are 6 years, due to sexual dysfunction problems in my marriage (premature ejaculation), I went to a sex therapist. He offered the approach known as "gender-body." One hour a day, I had to practice my tender and relax certain muscles (thighs, buttocks, perineum) to be aware of their existence. It was during these "therapeutic duties" that I allowed myself to explore my body more intimately.

And there I found my prostate! I immediately understood why homosexuals claimed to have much pleasure in their sex. I did not know I was capable of such intensity orgasmic! That was disturbing. Almost embarrassing. Past guilt (be a man and play with his anus to a form of acceptance that is not easy from the start), I took pleasure in multiplying the tests, diversify the means to stimulate me anally.

Associated with masturbation, stimulation of the prostate (finger or an object hijacked) causes a tenfold increase sexual pleasure. The orgasm is more intense, deeper, longer. It occurs throughout the body. In this I think very similar to the female orgasm .

This sexual practice is a personal, intimate. It's kind of my secret garden. I would just suggest so implied that my lovers can explore the area, but none actually did. I do not feel able to express their explicit request. Fear of being obsessed, an extremist ... I do not know what keeps me. But what is certain is that the taboo remains. As if men could not speak for fear of being considered "gay".

These anal stimulation are rare. Point P is also not in my exclusive access to an intense orgasm: since I find this pleasure, my orgasms obtained by coitus can also be intense and diffuse. As if access to this unique intensity allowed me to develop my ability orgasmic ... "

Read More

What triggers orgasm?

Fast or slow, intense or casual, easy or laborious ... The female orgasm is a fragile enjoyment, unpredictable, which arises then we do not expect or eclipse despite promising beginnings. Why is it more difficult for women than for men? Because the concerns of men are based more on desire than pleasure: not "will I enjoy? "But" do I thrill? ". Women know they, their pleasure is independent of their desire. However, far from easy recipes, we can try to understand and to remove blockages.

Self-esteem

This self-confidence that helps to live better every day is essential for access to female orgasm. In terms of sexuality, it goes through the body confidence, in the image that it returns. Nothing like a perfect body: on the contrary, the obsession with perfection can create an internal conflict, as the fear of showing naked, refusing to be cherished in certain places or control of his image for love ... the measurements, breast shape or size of the thighs have nothing to do with the intimate certainty that the body has the ability to give and receive pleasure.

Owning this intimate sense of security, is to stop thinking in terms of orgasm challenge, learn to enjoy at their own pace, not to focus on the pleasure of the partner, not waiting for ours to be exclusively dependent on his; is finally accepting that orgasm is the natural expression of sexual enjoyment that belongs to itself. Self-confidence is even escape the gaze guilt of past centuries - "Honest women do not have fun" - and the implicit injunctions of ours - "Mandatory Dividend and in all positions." Nobody knows better that every woman with whom, when and how she wants to make love. "Enjoy more than the neighbor, fantasize more than his colleague or have more lovers than his girlfriend can not lead us to an impasse," summarizes the sex therapist Alain Héril.

Letting go

For many women, the fun is worrying - psychically, penetration is never insignificant. They continue to alternate between penis envy and fear of intrusion. Depending on the day, at different times, both sentiments succeed. "If pleasure is expected and even claimed, advance the psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc (author of Women's sexuality is not the magazines (La Martinière), he continues to worry about the unconscious women because they may be afraid of invasion and doubt their ability to host the human sex. "

To this concern is added that of being submerged, washed away by the orgasm, which is not for nothing denominates "little death." The fun does not he may swallow them? Why do not they manage to let go to listen to that little voice that guides them to orgasm? Because they fear that this voice does not reveal things not very pleasant about themselves, a little disgusting, even? Or it makes their utter obscenities that would come out of their mouths like toads escaping the lips of the mean girls in fairy tales? Women are afraid to discover that their pleasure is unfaithful to what they believe and want to be. Releasing these unconscious fears is possible when the brain can disconnect to focus on the sensations felt.

The trust in others

Life partner or one-night, the condition for orgasm is trust. For another, man or woman, has the extraordinary power to inhibit or release. For sexologist Jean-Michel Fitremann, author of ABC of sexuality (Grancher), "the right partner is the one that does not put us in danger. It is connected to his desire and that of his partner, he has no plan and no ulterior motive, it leaves sufficient space for joint creation. " With him, nothing seems ridiculous, inappropriate, repetitive or degrading treatment.

Trusting each other is, again, out of the imposed standards to support each other and nurture an emotional dialogue that goes through the body. It's also stop wearing a look at his pleasure, "If overwhelmed by pseudo-knowledge of the type" men love oral sex "removes any chance to meet and to meet the other, provides psychoanalyst Sophie Cadalen, author of women Dreams: should dare fantasies? (Leduc.s Editions). Better to forget about it, fun is never where commonplaces ahead. "What I like, me? What do I want, me? are the only questions to ask.

Fantasies

Making love with others, in a church on a sunny beach ... To achieve the acme of pleasure, we all need these little exciting inner films that feed the desire. The most common scenarios and, according to the Freudian psychoanalysts, the most effective depict situations of domination or humiliation. For man to be handled by an expert woman (or, conversely, dominate pure girl). For women, being PTO.

This is also the conclusion of Claude Crépault, sexology professor at the University of Quebec, Canada. This is not masochism, instead of staging to say, "I am in no way responsible pleasure that I take, I experienced the desire of the other. "According to the Canadian expert, these fantasies are the" most archaic that are. " They would be processed remains of infantile sexuality, where the desire of the child goes to his father or mother figures on which it depends and to whom he must obey.

Our most intimate fantasies never give a good image of ourselves. They are our perverse side, according to the Freudians. Yet, unlike the real perverts who need to put in action to enjoy, so-called "normal" people almost always satisfy their erotic fantasies, solitary or shared with the partner. "Nothing much could collapse a realized desire. The trivializes real desire. This vacuum of his magic, "wrote Claude Crépault. Living in the present, the concrete, may be a key to better live the everyday, but it's not the royal road to orgasm.

Acceptance

Orgasm is unpredictable or unexpected. And we must accept that pleasure is waiting for you. Or not ... "is found in the sexual act unique sensations that do not expect the orgasm to exist," reassures Catherine Blanc. The womb, we keep the memory of the movements of our body against the uterine wall. Touch gestures of love we refer to this time of softness in contact with the skins. The sexual act is a sublime moment of incarnation emotions. At that moment, we seem to be only sensations chills, tension, relaxation or crying or laughter. "Orgasm says Catherine Blanc, those few seconds of intense pleasure, is only the culmination of all that. We become emotionally, and this is the enjoyment. "

Orgasm is an indoor dance, for many women, is made with time, that they need to let go, enter in the privacy of their feelings, their desires, their desire . Discover a new dimension of self, let his body take orders, freely express his animal side, but also cultivate the garden of the senses and fantasies ...

Access to the enjoyment requires one beyond the superficial and comfortable knowledge that we have of her sexuality to take the risk of discovery. "We get to adolescence sexual capital, but to enjoy rewarding way developed, that is to say no repeatedly, we have to refine, develop, says psychoanalyst Gérard Bonnet, author of the Irresistible sex Power (Payot). It is the job of a lifetime. A job that requires curiosity and creativity, and we made two. "

Knowing the better to surprise, this could be the motto of those who are not content with a mechanical enjoyment. "The playful dimension of sexuality is essential," says Mireille Bonierbale, author, Nadine Grafeille Chevret and Marie-Measson, the Five Senses and Love (Robert Laffont), physician and sexologist. And play is to accept the ups and downs of the sexual encounter. Sometimes wonderful, sometimes less. In sexuality, set a goal that is based on a bad road. We must accept that expresses that part of ourselves that escapes us.

Clitoral or vaginal?

One is no more "adult" than the other, although reading some psychoanalysis testing suggests otherwise. If they are distinct is that they refer to different fantastical situations. The clitoral orgasm refers to a self-vision phallic active - symbolically, the clitoris is the penile equivalent. He recalled the innate psychic bisexuality of the human being marked by Freud in children of both sexes. It can also occur in early childhood, when the girl, except in cases of sexual abuse, unaware of her vagina. It is "fast, liberating and is part of a drive-register".

The vaginal orgasm, says the father of psychoanalysis, requires the consent of the gift of self and the discovery of this "active passivity" characteristic of female sexuality. He has written, clumsily, in 1922, he signed sexually mature woman. With the gradual release of the female voice on sexuality, modern sexologists find that almost all women are able to get a clitoral orgasm, if only in masturbating. In contrast, only a third accede to vaginal orgasm.

Read More

The 6 Signs of Emerging Love

Of course, there is the thunderbolt, brutal, without appeal, which does not entail any procrastination. It is crazy love at first glance, even if this runaway, like the fire of straw, lasts sometimes only a short time. And then there is the nascent love which takes its time to reveal itself. Not necessarily less promising, but more ambiguous in its manifestations. It is he of whom we speak when we whisper in the ear of a friend: "You know, I think I love him ..."

This uncertainty, far from invalidating the force of feeling, reflects a battle in the process of indulging in us. "Many things attract us to the other - recognition, confidence, a sense of peace, joy ... - and almost as much as we are away from it - fear of being rejected, becoming dependent, being invaded, not being ready, "says psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Catherine Bensaid. Hence these three steps forward, a step back, waltz-hesitation which often marks a keen interest! Deciphering the signs of this newborn and still stammering love.

Pink cheeks

Often, in love, it is the body that speaks first, even if we strive to ignore the signs it sends. "Anxiety causes a surge of adrenaline, which causes an acceleration of the heartbeat, excessive sweating," explains the doctor and sexologist Ghislaine Paris. But at the same time, the feeling of love releases dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins, as opposed to adrenaline. These hormones of love will result in dilated blood vessels, which gives pink cheeks and, lesser known, color the neck. These marblings attract the eye. Now, the neck is an area of ​​fragility par excellence in humans. In a very archaic way, when we fall in love with someone, we present this area to the other, overturning our heads, a proof of abandonment and trust. "

The voice also changes: "Women tend to raise their tone, adopt a sharper voice, while men take a more hoarse voice, in order to seduce each other," continues the specialist. In case of doubt, let us be sure that "the body has its reasons that reason ignores," to paraphrase Blaise Pascal.

The blunders

We want to be interesting and we only come out of banalities. We would like to make some impression, but we spill our glass ... "One evening, I went to dine with a man I liked very much in a Lebanese restaurant. On the table there were raw vegetables and a little chili that I took for a sweet pepper. I crunched in and instantly my tongue doubled in volume. We landed in the ER! "Says Marianne, 40, decorator.

The sex therapist Alain Héril sees in this testimony the strength of desire in its raw state, and in this burning language an excellent means of preventing speech from being said to the benefit of emotion. "All these blunders are an indirect way of pointing out to the other that we are troubled by him, that he makes us lose all our means," he explains. It is a strong sign that we send it, although in appearance it seems counterproductive. "Same psychoanalyst Sophie Cadalen, for these missed acts:" That is very promising! Our unconscious amuses us to play tricks. Our appreciation of the situation flies between us, it is always the sign of an important encounter. "

Tactics

Inborn love is filled with doubts and torments. And, sometimes, ridiculous tactics to hide them. We pretend not to wait for a phone call, we pretend to be taken for the evening, when we are free like the wind, and then we mop. What do these scenes hide? "The fear of revealing oneself, at the risk of being dismissed, answers Alain Héril. It is our narcissism that is at stake. They often sign a mistrust of oneself. "

Let us add that we advance in unknown territory, obliged to think in the place of the other, to behave as we think he would like us to behave, when we ignore it! The natural is not really at the rendezvous ... Fortunately, Sophie Cadalen reassures us: "No strategy can withstand love. Feigning indifference only works if we are relatively detached. "

Resistance

"No, it's not possible, it's not my kind!" And then it's too early, too late, too much... "An almost infallible sign of rising love: the resistance we oppose. "When we are faced with a partner who does not correspond to our conscious criteria, but who unconsciously destabilizes us, we lose our footing," analyzes Alain Héril. Unsustained, we try at all costs to return to the right path by reasoning. Let us add that, frightened by our desire, to which, in most cases, we are not accustomed to making room, we are tempted to flee. This vertigo is accompanied by a feeling of panic: it's all very well, we whisper a little voice, but if it did not last? As much as anticipate this potential sorrow and flee the happiness of fear that it does not run away.

The projections

Another sign of nascent love, this propensity we have to project ourselves in a happy future, even the most prosaic ... "The first time I met Philippe, I immediately saw myself coiled up against him on a sofa watching my favorite TV show, "smiled Lucille, 45, a nurse. For Alain Héril, these projections are a way of reassuring us about the unfolding of the future: "In passing a film in which the other loves us and desires us, we jump the obstacle of the uncertainty that characterizes nascent love. "

Sophie Cadalen warns against these hasty projections which can translate more a desire for love than a true love: "I am wary of these scenarios where the other does not have much space and must enter at all costs into a frame. To love is to start being ready to make room to the other, not only on his couch! "

Beautification

When we meet someone we like, we tend to minimize the obstacles and to increase the connivances. "Observe two partners in whom love is being born. They are amazed at their commonalities: "Child, you spent your holidays in Saint-Jean-de-Luz? Me too! "And to see a sign sent by heaven," smiled Catherine Bensaid. "Love has this ability to embellish the relationship, but also to make us more beautiful, more beautiful, through a process of self-idealization," notes Alain Héril. A sacred secondary benefit that is likely to make us blind. "

Let us not invent a fairy tale, in defiance of reality. "Young women tell me that if their partner never tells them" I love you ", it's because they do not think about it ... Blindness has limits! "Nuances the therapist. Many believe they are in love with someone while they are simply in love with love. In this case, the other is there only to fill an expectation, a need. How then can we know if it is love? The feeling is always out of control. "We are outdated, without intelligence, neither of the situation nor of ourselves. Do not doubt it, we are in love! To love is the most interesting experience of our human life. So let's leave aside our resistance and let us take it away, "encourages Sophie Cadalen. Nascent love is on the side of adventure.

Read More