WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE IDEAL AGE IN A RELATIONSHIP?

You liked for his maturity, his salt and pepper hair and wrinkles so "crisp"? Know, however, that the age difference would have a significant impact on the sustainability of your relationship. We told you!
Everybody warned you that the age difference with your sweetheart would eventually have an impact on your story?
It may well be they are right.

An age difference that weighs in the couple

The divorce of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie is the best example of their twelve years apart have created a significant cleavage, especially on how to raise their children.

And a study tends to show that the higher the age difference is big in a couple more chances separation increases.
Thus a panel of 3,000 people were screened by a University team in Atlanta to determine a deviation of only 5 years 18% increases your chances of divorce against only 3% when partners were born a small gap year.


A percentage that goes to 39% when the lovebirds were 10 years apart and 95% when the difference reaches 20 years.

Normal "experience" can be attractive to the beginnings of a relationship but when your half systematically refuses to go out with you claiming that he feels at odds with friends, this experience may seem suddenly much less attractive.

Besides the differences in views or culture that can create tension within the couple in choosing movies or concerts.

The least significant difference in age that children

The same study highlights the importance of children in a couple.

Thus giving birth to a little prince or princess extramarital decrease by 59% your chances of divorce .
And if you follow the instructions of your parents well and wait to be married for a family, this figure rises to 76%.


But with or without fair head, if you manage to surpass the two years of marriage , your chances of divorce decreases by 43% and 94% if you can celebrate your wedding tin (we let you look). 

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HOW A MAN FALLS IN LOVE

We know how love comes to girls: overtime in the bathroom, appetite down ... But men, how they fall in love? Well, it goes like this.

A man in love is watching you

Sight is the first sense put to use at the man who falls in love . If it can not help looking at you with a head lemur is that it is a trick. But beware, not your butt mate: he was touched by grace (yours, in this case), and finally, he SEES.

You pretty much in the field of divine revelation there. This man is not also understand why everyone else is not their tongues in unison on your way: you are beautiful, you are a goddess.

Also, a man about to fall in love needs to see you, he seeks without stopping the look (a bit like a puppy who spotted a fly).


And be careful! This phenomenon may occur later on a boy that you know for a long time may one day be caught fascination shine of your hair. So be vigilant and, if you discover that the man of accounting looks at you with eyes fried whiting, run! Or smile, depending.

A man in love listening

A man who succumbs to your charm towards you all feel that Mother Nature could give him. The equation is simple, he wants to know you, so listen. Tell him your childhood, it will soften, talk of an injustice to you, it will be offended, trust him hell your last stomach flu, he extasiera ...

And if he is interested in what you have to say, this is not "yes, yes, it is, I take a concentrated look, I wait it out and maybe I be able to put my tongue in her mouth in the late evening ... "no, he finds you fascinating, funny (you are, of course, it's just that the last place).

And even if the idea of ​​being in bed did nothing to displease him, he does not act as that. Start a conversation with him and you will see, it will not be: "Great, they talk about me! "Rather, it will spread its ears for you.

A man in love protects you

The major change in the psychology of the man in love is that you have become important to him, and everything that can happen to you is felt almost personal way. You are happy, it is a little too are sad, it is a lot.

So no matter to see you suffer, and for that he will try to protect you. In any situation, "You want the rest of my chips, you have almost nothing to eat? "(He is willing to share his food is not nothing that ...)," I blow on your coffee? It's a little hot "(rare, thankfully). It is even on the verge of headbutt refilage of your boss if you're a little overworked. Do not worry though, it will hold back. It's good to have someone watching over you, right?

The boy who falls in love needs to see you, talk to you. In fact, it needs you to know that it exists. And for that, it sticks to your heels. " What are you doing tonight ? ", " And with who ? ", " You want me to come with you ? "Oh yes, I almost forgot: from the moment he begins to focus on you, it will start to be a little jealous ... This is normal.

If for example, a man who feels nothing to you, you say "Tonight I dine with my ex," he will answer, "Yes, that's good, and? "Now, if you say the same thing to you the viewer as the eighth wonder of the world, there are likely to react more emotionally: scarlet face and yet it breathes (strong), clenched teeth, contracted buttocks . "WHAT? Why ? You need to go see this guy while I'm here, me? "Or something in this taste ... In short, a man in love, of course it is endearing, will both well attach to you. Such a mold on a rock, see.

A man in love you are always beautiful

Tonight you made up, coiffed, dressed as if you were to put an Oscar, and he obviously finds you beautiful. But the really cool thing is that in any way, he will see you nice, or at least any choupinette. After a good hangover, wake up, he will exclaim, "Oh you're so cute, you look like a small raccoon, with dark circles around the eyes! "And he thinks ...


Another typical sentence: "Frankly, I prefer you without makeup! "Or" I find it too sexy, your little phony. " In short, it is clear that you can see with the eyes of love.

Of course, this is not a reason to hang out jogging all day, stop waxing armpits or flossing like mad in his presence ... If love is not blind, it clearly there is still great myopic.

A man in love makes concessions

What about a man who agrees to be your coat rack to the dressing room of an overheated store, take tea at your cousin or to enter a marathon "Desperate Housewives" for twelve hours just to be with you ?

And what about a boy able to change his way of living as a free man (okay, manic single) for the sole purpose of granting a little more your respective lives? In fact, I think we can say that he really, really want to sleep with you ... However, if you already know biblically, it's completely different.

Indeed, being able to sacrifice his personal well-being just for your pleasure to you , it's really something for a man ... He himself does not believe, either. As Elton John hummed in "The Lion King": "Can you feel the love tonight? "Grrrr ...!

A man in love makes you really love

After a good dinner, gentleman, he take you home. A few minutes later, you make love like beavers. Be aware that, in his head, this man has crossed a significant milestone. It is doing "Love" with a capital "A" ...

He imagines more and star of his own pornographic film, he pays attention to you, what you feel, what you expect of him: a new ingredient has appeared, tenderness.

In fact, its purpose is not only to make you scream with pleasure to have the impression of being 'orgasm man', a real man. His goal now is to make you scream with pleasure to share the intimacy that only the act of making love with love can bring.

A man in love wants to live with you

Finally, there it is, it's so crazy that his instinct for great solitary collapses of a block: the man is willing to share his cave, or another brand new with you.

That's how the male lover , he has trouble deciding to take the plunge, the fact (suddenly) well as it should, in a frenzied romanticism swing. He loves you, his heart will explode, he needs to make a splash (pardon the expression) clearly.

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HOW TO HANDLE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP?

You met while traveling. It was an immediate lightning strike and you have never been as well. But within days, the holidays are over and the idea of ​​no longer wake up with him is unbearable. Yet many couples live a distance love. How to build a long-distance relationship and find his account?

Love remotely possible

A Latin proverb says, "Out of sight, out of heart." The mutual affection of two distant beings weaken with time ... not as optimistic vision!

At a time when it has never been easier to take a plane and communicate, numerous examples contradict this assertion! Distance is no longer synonymous of absence! It is now possible to talk to the loved even if it is on the other side of the Atlantic.

But how to build a lasting relationship ? The most important is to trust each other. It is even the basis of a distance love. Without this trust, it will be difficult to build a relationship .

The second point is patience. Although his arms are missing you, take on oneself.

The distance relationship avoids routine

The physical separation can make the couple even stronger. This event will strengthen the feelings and keep the flame. No routine or conflict with distance! You are all the other when communicating. And no boredom! You have many things to tell you.

The reunions are so unforgettable, it is a new encounter each time : the beating heart, sweaty palms and stress rises.

And cuddling under the covers ... Because love remotely feeds the desire ! A recent US study has even shown that couples living far opened more easily with each other and share more intimate moments . Better yet, these relationships would last longer!

remote Love can be hard to bear

Unfortunately, some people are struggling to bear the separation daily . Home from work and find no one to comfort us and treat ourselves is difficult. Love distance requires much strength! And compromise!

After an idyllic romance in a foreign country, the return to reality is not easy. Interpreting certain sentences, we learn that the other has met new people ... and our imagination does the rest!

Be careful not to rush into a vicious circle. At too idealize the relationship , moving away from one another and part ways. Do not succumb to the first comer , but resist the temptation to look elsewhere.

The keys to successful distance relationship

If the trust is the basis for any long-distance relationship , communication is paramount. SMS, emails or videos with small soft attentions words. With a good internet connection, you can trade very often and see you through interposed cameras.

Try sexting and naughty pictures ... Be creative and spice up your relationship ! If your lover lives in Brazil, it is important not to live at the time of Copacabana! Keep your lifestyle by trying to schedule time together.

It should not be cut from friends and activities, otherwise you will forget you.

And if all goes well, why not throw? And imagine a reconciliation or even moving in the same city? The future belongs to those who cross the projects, then go for it!

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THE TOP 50 BEST LOVE ADVICE!

There is one listens, others we prefer not to hear, others found obvious. But if one collects tips where one day someone from writing or cosmonauts exclaimed "ah, this is not wrong," then we have that. Some call you?

Tips for living well ... his love story

"If a man told you he is not ready to commit is that it is not ready to commit."

And instead of thinking that will convince him to change his mind, we can thank him for having had the courtesy to inform us and give us the opportunity to move to another who would not at this stage .

 "Of course you can pretend to share his passions."

But a day will come where either it will necessarily be as paragliding, we are experiencing nothing, or we will flush and tired to get excited at the idea of ​​a great weekend paragliding.

 "That does not prevent you to interest you in what he likes."

And ask him what it was like paragliding.

"It's not because we fight we do not like to."

A question that sometimes arises at the first shouting match ...

 "A couple, it is not never argue, is knowing recover."

Although not always the same that gives to another.

 "A man, not a girlfriend."

It does not address the same issues, we do not do the same things with a boyfriend and a girlfriend.

 "We are not obliged to do everything together!"

We can deeply love someone and be very happy to have the bathroom at home. Sometimes the apartment.

 "Tell her you love her."

A man also needs to be reassured.

"If you want to heal people, make doctor or nurse."

A man is a partner. Not a child nor a great hurt.

"He loves to see you in heels? Get out your heels! "

It's just for one evening, not to go shopping this week 

at the hypermarket.

"Do not listen to what he says, look at what he does."

A man who says, "Yes, yes I can" and that is not there, or that says "I love you" and is still not separated from his ex, it inspires confidence moderately. Conversely, if this great taciturn is always there for us and offers us a gift mentioned it six months ago, passing a shop window, so ...

"If it's only you who make living the relationship, not a relationship."

What is it then ? A fantasy. Or a sacrifice.

"You have the right to tell him that you feel that you're the one to live the relationship."

And, if completely agree with that and he does not see where the problem is, then it's time for someone who will want him to put his.

"There's more than one way to love."

And not just a house, a wagon, a dog and three children.

"We do not have to suffer for love."

The ups, downs and the ravages of passion, it makes good movies or even various facts-but to live every day, it's just exhausting. So ask the question: by putting on the roller coaster of emotions, what is one to which we avoid thinking?

Tips to start his love life ...

"Get dressed and get out!"

Admittedly, it greatly increases the opportunities to meet, compared to staying on the sofa in front of "House MD".

 "Get dressed and come out anyway!"

Yes, Facebook is great. Now it's good to see how it goes in 3D, IRL, in real life what. When was his photograph for example.

"Do not forget you."

In addition, if we consistently put his desires above our own, afterwards, it is to him that we want to.

"Love, it does not" deserve "no."

Be loved has nothing to do with forcing yourself to be perfect, do everything well be the most beautiful and most lookée, and one that will satisfy all his desires. That's seduction, and even if it can be part of the game, it's not the same.

 "A man can not guess what you in the head if you do not tell him!"

This is not because he loves us he becomes clairvoyant, that boy.

"A man who does not remember is not interested."

This does not mean that one is not interesting, just that it's a good indication that this is not with that one that is intended to form a couple.

 "It's not because he does not remember it interesting!"

Desire is paradoxically that it attaches to what is refused and he can not have - that's why we publishes handbags in limited release, to express that n 'there is not for everyone. How come then called when we attach to what is there? Well, it's called love!

 "If there is someone in his life and you anyone in mind, then forget it."

Because that's how we end up distracted despair alone at Christmas when he went skiing in the studio of the parents of his bride. And besides all the other nights when he leaves.

"Everybody has once tried to hypnotize her phone saying" Sonne, but sounds! ' "

And sent text messages "casually" to mean "the way how are you?", Thinking "I beg you tell me you love me," created a new account on the dating site to check that 'there was more, happened "by chance" for the seventeenth time in front of his ... All this is a sign that things are not being done, but it takes time to understand it. Dumb ? No, just normal. It's like starting up falling on the buttocks when learning to walk.

 "Think of watching the nice men."

Although it is radically opposed to their choice of socks.

 "To love is to take risks."

This is the case when it opens to the presence of another in his life. No one can guarantee zero pain, zero misfortune. But there are loving that ensures the happiness of loving. l

Tips for living well with yourself ...

"The future is not now, live in the moment."

Sometimes it is very premature to imagine how we dress will go up to the altar just have had a great night together is already great!

"Spend time with your friends."

In the first fires of love, we tend to forget them. But keep a friendship, it's good for them, for us and for the couple.

"Never a failure always a lesson."

Without going to be the tattooed under the collarbone like Rihanna, this is a constructive way to think of a love story when she had a rather painful way to finish. History not to repeat the same mistake.

"Do not expect a man he fills the void in your life. That's for you to do it. "

Our life is up to us to deal with them: find what you love to do

"If you give an ultimatum, it must be able to keep you there."

Because otherwise, it's just a story to discredit.

"Do not forgive anything."

Would not that out of respect for oneself.

 "If you have something on the heart, tell him right away."

Calmly if possible, but even if we ruffle a bit, it will leave fewer traces that say nothing, cash and necessarily accumulate resentment.

 "Never rule your public statements."

Knowing that his mother, the cashier, friends and children, it's public. Yes, sometimes it's very, very hard. But it can be done!

"Enjoy!"

There will be time to move on if you're wrong.

Tips for living well ... in bed

"We do not care to sleep the first night or not. But it's so delicious to prolong the wait ... "

And let woo also, admittedly.

"If he does not respect you enough to wear a condom, then forget it."

If a man does not immediately ensures the protection of his partner, then what will it be afterwards!

"Sex is important."

No, it is not very serious when occasionally it does not work. But over time? It's another matter.

"A man can not guess what you like in bed if you do not tell him!"

And as women can be different, which pleased his former does not necessarily send us over the moon. And reciprocally.

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WHAT ATTRACTS WOMEN IN A MAN

It is believed (wrongly) that this usually attracts women is the dark eyes of men or their big muscles! But the reality is quite different. According to a recent study, the chocolate bars are not the main feature to catch our eye ...
If you think women like macho men with big muscles ... think again!

For what women are attracted to in a man?

Although the appearance of a virile man has all its importance, according to a recent study by the University of Pretoria in South Africa, what really attracts women is the waistline gentlemen.

Surprising to me you ask? Not that much actually because unconsciously we women are in search of a supposed partner to healthy children.

And when it comes to choosing her man, so we do not pay attention to big biceps but his weight as a man to the morphology "normal" would be healthier than someone lean or too large !

How did it come to this conclusion?

Researchers selected a group of women who had to assess their physical attraction from photos of fat or less fat men.

Result: these are not the most manly who arrived in top spot but those who had a body mass index normal.

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THE BEST PLACES TO ... DATING!

A recent survey published by Meetic and Metro reveals the best places to find a partner and why not a soulmate. At work, at a dinner or evening: discover where dating!
All singles have already posed the question: where to find a soul mate ?

According to a Metro Meetic Opinion Way survey, 42% of French believe that the best place to make a meeting , it's dinner with friends. The ideal partner would therefore be at the table ...
If the answer is in first place is because, in general, many think that a person made by a relative should be worth it since it is supposed to know our tastes, our desires, our character.
Note however that this first skimmer made by mutual friend is not flawless and it happens that sometimes it's a ball that you present and not Prince Charming as expected ...

On the second step of the podium more appropriate locations for socializing, there is the work. The survey shows that nearly a third of French have already dredged or flirt with a colleague ...

Then follow tied the nightclubs and dating sites with 30% of respondents who think it is possible to fall the man or the woman of his life in disco or on the canvas.

In fourth place, there are travel or famous travel business that can make (good) games.

Finally, 20% of respondents believe that the place to fall on his half, are the gyms.

More generally, we retain from this survey it is now much harder to getting the right partner it was 30 or 40 years. Indeed, 55% of French believe that our requirements have changed and suddenly, unless a real boost of fate , it is now very difficult to come across a person who shares our desires and our projects on long term.

But unmarried friends: Do not despair, one day or another your prince will come ...

And where did you find your darling (e)?

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Can be single and happy?

"My existence solo, I fully screw. I want to redo my life, but not at any price, "says Christelle, 35, divorced single mother for two years. "I take variants of love, the tenderness I found to my family and my daughter, the complicity that I share with my friends ..." At a time when marriage is no longer a must, where married life is thought more than CDI and CDD where society is increasingly individualistic, we all come to know of celibacy periods. The days Catherinettes were teased and ridiculed old boys. Today, the single will assume and some do not hesitate to praise the merits of the single life. Without making much for a life project.

Of blooming singles

Among the solos, many are proving that it is possible to exist and flourish outside the couple's life, which is often far from smooth sailing. Preferring, a time at least, celibacy. For Leah, 41, living alone is a choice. "I will not marry, I've seen too many disasters around me. However, I'm not saying I will not crack from time to time. Having a companion is significant but not full time. "Especially as women, who have gained financial independence, now have this choice.

Exit the image of unhappy unmarried and left behind. Place to that of celibacy can be a source of vitality. The key ? "If patronize oneself, to be more listening, responding Dominique Contardo-Jacquelin psychotherapist. Wondering about what would make me happy, the people I could meet ... "Also, find other areas of self-realization that the couple: professional, artistic, associative, sports ... But singles have beautiful prove that exist other than two is possible and enjoy a more positive image than before, they continue to bother.

The couple remains the norm

Isabelle is 37 years old. She is now single and childless. "At family gatherings, I generate indifference or discomfort. At work, I wipe all kinds of remarks. Previously, it made me jump. Now I try to detach myself from the mirror they plan on me and that is in no way my reflection. "Even today, we continue to expect the single one day he finds his own half. If possible before reaching thirty, fateful decade for those who are not yet "boxes". As for separate forties and fifties, he returned them to quickly turn the page and find someone immediately. "The pressure is actually far more insidious, explains Florence Maillochon, a sociologist and a researcher at INED. We are brought up in a very liberal ideology, ruled by the cult of individualism. There is no obligation to form a traditional family. But the incentive to be in torque remains very heavy. "

Media, advertising, dating sites ... Everywhere is the apology of the couple, which in our supposedly uninhibited society, remains the rule. It is a sign of socialization and, admittedly, a way to make it more comfortable existence: to face life and its trials, to buy a house, go on a trip, or simply go to hotel, better be both. In a world where everything is designed for couples, "it's hard to be alone, adds Jean-Michel Hirt, psychoanalyst. Many people believe, and I think rightly, that the great adventure of life is a love story. This is what is most exciting. "

Single and happy?

In couple, it is said, there is this joy to exchange, share together. "The day I got married, I felt relieved, tells plumedepaon our psychonaut. I never imagined myself to be happy otherwise. "Life together, a condition for happiness? For Jean-Michel Hirt, "this aspiration the couple has children. If his parents did not agree, we dream of having a clearing in adulthood. Otherwise, we try to relive something good. "Even if we go through periods of celibacy, so our ideal would be to find someone to move forward, build ...

"But the diktat of the couple no longer exists, analysis Dominique Contardo-Jacquelin. The torque is one of the facets of the identity of the construction. Today, each individual is allowed to become himself, without being in coping with someone else. For a long time, women are defined in relation to their husbands. Today, it's over. With more and more people, there is a fundamental requirement of becoming itself, define their preferences, make choices ... Self. And not on another. " And so live his celibacy, this privileged opportunity to make finding himself face to face with yourself, the best way to find later, more easily love?

Celibacy, a transitional period? 

November 2009. "New Start" Divorce Fair, separation and widowhood is held for the first time in Paris. Objective: to enable future and current divorced successful separation. And above all, to rebuild their lives. Club meetings, coaching all kinds -relooking, DECO agency offering travel solo ... After separation, a new marriage? Everything seems to invite these singles that should not stay too long.

Testimonial: "I discovered pretty good company"
Eva, 36, married 28 years. There are three years old, she is separated from the father of her children. They divorced last year.

"At first I was completely lost. I had never lived alone. The idea of ​​going to bed and age no one beside me worried me. The first to put pressure on me, my children, my five year old son in particular. The fact that I am only bothered him. He insisted that I have a lover, someone who loves me. I was very touched and, oddly too much déculpabilisée. I was worried about them, they were worried about me. We talked a lot together. Today, they do not find the same urgency. I am very much alone and they understood.

Now this is my environment that alarm. It's true that the first month the first year, could well give it to me, but three years, it's getting long. Regularly, I am asked if I met someone, we try to introduce myself a man. I say "no thank you", I laugh, I say I do not have time.

Before, I had "the fantasy of Ricorée family." It's over. I need to find a new model. But I am not tempted by that of the blended family. I'm used to joint custody: a week with the kids, all three; then a week alone in single. Sometimes I go out, sometimes I just taste this unique pleasure of silence, solitude. The idea of ​​sharing my bed do not care. That letting someone into my daily does not please me, I must admit. That's what shocks people, I think. They do not believe me.

For me, this celibacy is obviously not a life plan. But it is a fact that I'm used to which I have acquired a taste. I do not want you to invade that space of pure freedom. Sometimes I'm a little disturbed to see how I could see this solitude. I wonder if I have not lost the ability to love. But I think not. I did not shut up. I have a busy life, in which I also provided me with idle time. Basically, it is the great gain. That's what I'm not ready to give up. Living with someone - at least for someone like me - is to live constantly with the idea of ​​the other, his desires ... I always wondered what would please him. Today, I discovered my own taste, my limits. I feel very free, very strong. Finally, I discovered pretty good company. "

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Point P: the secrets of the prostate orgasm

What looks like prostate orgasm?

Alain Héril: The prostate orgasm succession of inner feeling, not unlike the habit in men, a feeling of something that goes to the outside. This is why often, it is a gender dimension. It is also a more global orgasmic sensation: it affects the whole body, not just the main genital area. Some also tend to say that it is a more powerful orgasm, more subtle than the usual orgasms. His other feature is that it does not ejaculate size. Although sometimes it may be accompanied by ejaculation.

How to get there?

AH: For stimulation of the prostate. Access is relatively easy, except that it requires an anal insertion or manual level or through sex toys, some of which have specificity, stimulating the famous point P, to cause an orgasm prostate.

What can offer a man stimulating his prostate? Some speak of a revolution, is this really the case?
AH: Yes, it is a revolution since this practice completely upsets the representation we had the male orgasm and the human role in sexuality. There, the man becomes the one who is penetrated. And the pleasure experienced is independent of any procreative dimension. As for women, during clitoral stimulation. Both sexes find themselves in something feminine. This is also a fundamental shift: while thousands of years we in the West experienced a primarily male sexuality, things are changing. Currently, we are witnessing a reversal of values, with the idea that female libido is a type of energy - which is posed for millennia in non-Western approaches such as Tantra - and that men and women must meet in the female area.

It is often thought that the stimulation of the prostate is a practice reserved for homosexuals, is this the case?

AH: It has been for a long time as in the homosexual sexuality, there is naturally a report anality more direct than among heterosexuals. But they accept more the idea that it can also occur in heterosexual anal practices resulting pleasant and particular sensations. In fact, there are many questions, curiosity, but little practice.

Among those who have tried and enjoy stimulating their prostate, the first question is often, "I am a repressed homosexual"? What?

AH: There is in every human being that, in psychoanalysis, is called a psychic bisexuality. Freud spoke already. In the men's sexuality, so there is an element of repressed homosexuality. But that does not mean that all men are homosexuals. The real question is: do we accept this dimension or not? But it is not because a man feels pleasure by stimulating the point P that he is gay. It's simply accept that there is no outright opposition between his sexual personalities: the dominant, pervasive; the other passive. In the prostate stimulation, the man lets himself go. However, this does not mean that it emasculated or loses its ability to be on the side of the dominant. It is simply a game with a more feminine side, more subtle him.

If sodomy is increasingly taboo months, the issue of prostate orgasm often arouses in men and women, a reaction of strong disgust. How to explain it?

AH: In our culture, the anal region remains an area associated with dirt, feces. This is the least noble part of the body. As long as we talk about anality but it remains abstract, it is still acceptable. But when you talk about prostate stimulation, everyone thinks that the prostate, go get her, stimulate ... The anality then creates precise images, which can cause rejection and disgust in many people .

It seems paradoxical that this still known orgasm so powerful in fact remains so taboo; so subversive, even, some say ...
AH: For a long time it has educated men understand that their pleasure was linked to their power of erection and ejaculation. This link is placed in the male collective unconscious. There, it is quite something else. Many think that if they take pleasure in that way, they will no longer have that so. But the stimulation of the prostate is a practice that complements the other. It does not exclude vaginal penetration and all that we know of sexuality.

For men who enjoy it, it is not always easy to broach the subject with their partner. Should we speak of his desire to explore this area in two? How?

AH: It's not easy to talk about because this practice changes the vision we have of what should be sex between a man and a woman. And there are still many women who think that this is the man who makes them enjoy, it should be dominant and they submitted. Everything will depend on the sexual norm that the couple will be implemented. According to her, the talk will be easy or not. In all cases, it is not to talk at all costs, nor do two at any cost. If the couple has a habit of talking about sex, presence of sex toys, playful scenarios, it will be easier to talk naturally to another. But if there is a couple that speaks little of his sexuality, the demand once formulated can be violent for the partner. Finally, if we really need to talk, it's good to do it the way we usually talk about sexuality.

"I did not know I was capable of such intensity orgasmic! "
Rudolph, one of our psychonauts, was one of the few to respond to our appeal for witnesses. He discovered his famous point P . He tells.

"There are 6 years, due to sexual dysfunction problems in my marriage (premature ejaculation), I went to a sex therapist. He offered the approach known as "gender-body." One hour a day, I had to practice my tender and relax certain muscles (thighs, buttocks, perineum) to be aware of their existence. It was during these "therapeutic duties" that I allowed myself to explore my body more intimately.

And there I found my prostate! I immediately understood why homosexuals claimed to have much pleasure in their sex. I did not know I was capable of such intensity orgasmic! That was disturbing. Almost embarrassing. Past guilt (be a man and play with his anus to a form of acceptance that is not easy from the start), I took pleasure in multiplying the tests, diversify the means to stimulate me anally.

Associated with masturbation, stimulation of the prostate (finger or an object hijacked) causes a tenfold increase sexual pleasure. The orgasm is more intense, deeper, longer. It occurs throughout the body. In this I think very similar to the female orgasm .

This sexual practice is a personal, intimate. It's kind of my secret garden. I would just suggest so implied that my lovers can explore the area, but none actually did. I do not feel able to express their explicit request. Fear of being obsessed, an extremist ... I do not know what keeps me. But what is certain is that the taboo remains. As if men could not speak for fear of being considered "gay".

These anal stimulation are rare. Point P is also not in my exclusive access to an intense orgasm: since I find this pleasure, my orgasms obtained by coitus can also be intense and diffuse. As if access to this unique intensity allowed me to develop my ability orgasmic ... "

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What triggers orgasm?

Fast or slow, intense or casual, easy or laborious ... The female orgasm is a fragile enjoyment, unpredictable, which arises then we do not expect or eclipse despite promising beginnings. Why is it more difficult for women than for men? Because the concerns of men are based more on desire than pleasure: not "will I enjoy? "But" do I thrill? ". Women know they, their pleasure is independent of their desire. However, far from easy recipes, we can try to understand and to remove blockages.

Self-esteem

This self-confidence that helps to live better every day is essential for access to female orgasm. In terms of sexuality, it goes through the body confidence, in the image that it returns. Nothing like a perfect body: on the contrary, the obsession with perfection can create an internal conflict, as the fear of showing naked, refusing to be cherished in certain places or control of his image for love ... the measurements, breast shape or size of the thighs have nothing to do with the intimate certainty that the body has the ability to give and receive pleasure.

Owning this intimate sense of security, is to stop thinking in terms of orgasm challenge, learn to enjoy at their own pace, not to focus on the pleasure of the partner, not waiting for ours to be exclusively dependent on his; is finally accepting that orgasm is the natural expression of sexual enjoyment that belongs to itself. Self-confidence is even escape the gaze guilt of past centuries - "Honest women do not have fun" - and the implicit injunctions of ours - "Mandatory Dividend and in all positions." Nobody knows better that every woman with whom, when and how she wants to make love. "Enjoy more than the neighbor, fantasize more than his colleague or have more lovers than his girlfriend can not lead us to an impasse," summarizes the sex therapist Alain Héril.

Letting go

For many women, the fun is worrying - psychically, penetration is never insignificant. They continue to alternate between penis envy and fear of intrusion. Depending on the day, at different times, both sentiments succeed. "If pleasure is expected and even claimed, advance the psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc (author of Women's sexuality is not the magazines (La Martinière), he continues to worry about the unconscious women because they may be afraid of invasion and doubt their ability to host the human sex. "

To this concern is added that of being submerged, washed away by the orgasm, which is not for nothing denominates "little death." The fun does not he may swallow them? Why do not they manage to let go to listen to that little voice that guides them to orgasm? Because they fear that this voice does not reveal things not very pleasant about themselves, a little disgusting, even? Or it makes their utter obscenities that would come out of their mouths like toads escaping the lips of the mean girls in fairy tales? Women are afraid to discover that their pleasure is unfaithful to what they believe and want to be. Releasing these unconscious fears is possible when the brain can disconnect to focus on the sensations felt.

The trust in others

Life partner or one-night, the condition for orgasm is trust. For another, man or woman, has the extraordinary power to inhibit or release. For sexologist Jean-Michel Fitremann, author of ABC of sexuality (Grancher), "the right partner is the one that does not put us in danger. It is connected to his desire and that of his partner, he has no plan and no ulterior motive, it leaves sufficient space for joint creation. " With him, nothing seems ridiculous, inappropriate, repetitive or degrading treatment.

Trusting each other is, again, out of the imposed standards to support each other and nurture an emotional dialogue that goes through the body. It's also stop wearing a look at his pleasure, "If overwhelmed by pseudo-knowledge of the type" men love oral sex "removes any chance to meet and to meet the other, provides psychoanalyst Sophie Cadalen, author of women Dreams: should dare fantasies? (Leduc.s Editions). Better to forget about it, fun is never where commonplaces ahead. "What I like, me? What do I want, me? are the only questions to ask.

Fantasies

Making love with others, in a church on a sunny beach ... To achieve the acme of pleasure, we all need these little exciting inner films that feed the desire. The most common scenarios and, according to the Freudian psychoanalysts, the most effective depict situations of domination or humiliation. For man to be handled by an expert woman (or, conversely, dominate pure girl). For women, being PTO.

This is also the conclusion of Claude Crépault, sexology professor at the University of Quebec, Canada. This is not masochism, instead of staging to say, "I am in no way responsible pleasure that I take, I experienced the desire of the other. "According to the Canadian expert, these fantasies are the" most archaic that are. " They would be processed remains of infantile sexuality, where the desire of the child goes to his father or mother figures on which it depends and to whom he must obey.

Our most intimate fantasies never give a good image of ourselves. They are our perverse side, according to the Freudians. Yet, unlike the real perverts who need to put in action to enjoy, so-called "normal" people almost always satisfy their erotic fantasies, solitary or shared with the partner. "Nothing much could collapse a realized desire. The trivializes real desire. This vacuum of his magic, "wrote Claude Crépault. Living in the present, the concrete, may be a key to better live the everyday, but it's not the royal road to orgasm.

Acceptance

Orgasm is unpredictable or unexpected. And we must accept that pleasure is waiting for you. Or not ... "is found in the sexual act unique sensations that do not expect the orgasm to exist," reassures Catherine Blanc. The womb, we keep the memory of the movements of our body against the uterine wall. Touch gestures of love we refer to this time of softness in contact with the skins. The sexual act is a sublime moment of incarnation emotions. At that moment, we seem to be only sensations chills, tension, relaxation or crying or laughter. "Orgasm says Catherine Blanc, those few seconds of intense pleasure, is only the culmination of all that. We become emotionally, and this is the enjoyment. "

Orgasm is an indoor dance, for many women, is made with time, that they need to let go, enter in the privacy of their feelings, their desires, their desire . Discover a new dimension of self, let his body take orders, freely express his animal side, but also cultivate the garden of the senses and fantasies ...

Access to the enjoyment requires one beyond the superficial and comfortable knowledge that we have of her sexuality to take the risk of discovery. "We get to adolescence sexual capital, but to enjoy rewarding way developed, that is to say no repeatedly, we have to refine, develop, says psychoanalyst Gérard Bonnet, author of the Irresistible sex Power (Payot). It is the job of a lifetime. A job that requires curiosity and creativity, and we made two. "

Knowing the better to surprise, this could be the motto of those who are not content with a mechanical enjoyment. "The playful dimension of sexuality is essential," says Mireille Bonierbale, author, Nadine Grafeille Chevret and Marie-Measson, the Five Senses and Love (Robert Laffont), physician and sexologist. And play is to accept the ups and downs of the sexual encounter. Sometimes wonderful, sometimes less. In sexuality, set a goal that is based on a bad road. We must accept that expresses that part of ourselves that escapes us.

Clitoral or vaginal?

One is no more "adult" than the other, although reading some psychoanalysis testing suggests otherwise. If they are distinct is that they refer to different fantastical situations. The clitoral orgasm refers to a self-vision phallic active - symbolically, the clitoris is the penile equivalent. He recalled the innate psychic bisexuality of the human being marked by Freud in children of both sexes. It can also occur in early childhood, when the girl, except in cases of sexual abuse, unaware of her vagina. It is "fast, liberating and is part of a drive-register".

The vaginal orgasm, says the father of psychoanalysis, requires the consent of the gift of self and the discovery of this "active passivity" characteristic of female sexuality. He has written, clumsily, in 1922, he signed sexually mature woman. With the gradual release of the female voice on sexuality, modern sexologists find that almost all women are able to get a clitoral orgasm, if only in masturbating. In contrast, only a third accede to vaginal orgasm.

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The 6 Signs of Emerging Love

Of course, there is the thunderbolt, brutal, without appeal, which does not entail any procrastination. It is crazy love at first glance, even if this runaway, like the fire of straw, lasts sometimes only a short time. And then there is the nascent love which takes its time to reveal itself. Not necessarily less promising, but more ambiguous in its manifestations. It is he of whom we speak when we whisper in the ear of a friend: "You know, I think I love him ..."

This uncertainty, far from invalidating the force of feeling, reflects a battle in the process of indulging in us. "Many things attract us to the other - recognition, confidence, a sense of peace, joy ... - and almost as much as we are away from it - fear of being rejected, becoming dependent, being invaded, not being ready, "says psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Catherine Bensaid. Hence these three steps forward, a step back, waltz-hesitation which often marks a keen interest! Deciphering the signs of this newborn and still stammering love.

Pink cheeks

Often, in love, it is the body that speaks first, even if we strive to ignore the signs it sends. "Anxiety causes a surge of adrenaline, which causes an acceleration of the heartbeat, excessive sweating," explains the doctor and sexologist Ghislaine Paris. But at the same time, the feeling of love releases dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins, as opposed to adrenaline. These hormones of love will result in dilated blood vessels, which gives pink cheeks and, lesser known, color the neck. These marblings attract the eye. Now, the neck is an area of ​​fragility par excellence in humans. In a very archaic way, when we fall in love with someone, we present this area to the other, overturning our heads, a proof of abandonment and trust. "

The voice also changes: "Women tend to raise their tone, adopt a sharper voice, while men take a more hoarse voice, in order to seduce each other," continues the specialist. In case of doubt, let us be sure that "the body has its reasons that reason ignores," to paraphrase Blaise Pascal.

The blunders

We want to be interesting and we only come out of banalities. We would like to make some impression, but we spill our glass ... "One evening, I went to dine with a man I liked very much in a Lebanese restaurant. On the table there were raw vegetables and a little chili that I took for a sweet pepper. I crunched in and instantly my tongue doubled in volume. We landed in the ER! "Says Marianne, 40, decorator.

The sex therapist Alain Héril sees in this testimony the strength of desire in its raw state, and in this burning language an excellent means of preventing speech from being said to the benefit of emotion. "All these blunders are an indirect way of pointing out to the other that we are troubled by him, that he makes us lose all our means," he explains. It is a strong sign that we send it, although in appearance it seems counterproductive. "Same psychoanalyst Sophie Cadalen, for these missed acts:" That is very promising! Our unconscious amuses us to play tricks. Our appreciation of the situation flies between us, it is always the sign of an important encounter. "

Tactics

Inborn love is filled with doubts and torments. And, sometimes, ridiculous tactics to hide them. We pretend not to wait for a phone call, we pretend to be taken for the evening, when we are free like the wind, and then we mop. What do these scenes hide? "The fear of revealing oneself, at the risk of being dismissed, answers Alain Héril. It is our narcissism that is at stake. They often sign a mistrust of oneself. "

Let us add that we advance in unknown territory, obliged to think in the place of the other, to behave as we think he would like us to behave, when we ignore it! The natural is not really at the rendezvous ... Fortunately, Sophie Cadalen reassures us: "No strategy can withstand love. Feigning indifference only works if we are relatively detached. "

Resistance

"No, it's not possible, it's not my kind!" And then it's too early, too late, too much... "An almost infallible sign of rising love: the resistance we oppose. "When we are faced with a partner who does not correspond to our conscious criteria, but who unconsciously destabilizes us, we lose our footing," analyzes Alain Héril. Unsustained, we try at all costs to return to the right path by reasoning. Let us add that, frightened by our desire, to which, in most cases, we are not accustomed to making room, we are tempted to flee. This vertigo is accompanied by a feeling of panic: it's all very well, we whisper a little voice, but if it did not last? As much as anticipate this potential sorrow and flee the happiness of fear that it does not run away.

The projections

Another sign of nascent love, this propensity we have to project ourselves in a happy future, even the most prosaic ... "The first time I met Philippe, I immediately saw myself coiled up against him on a sofa watching my favorite TV show, "smiled Lucille, 45, a nurse. For Alain Héril, these projections are a way of reassuring us about the unfolding of the future: "In passing a film in which the other loves us and desires us, we jump the obstacle of the uncertainty that characterizes nascent love. "

Sophie Cadalen warns against these hasty projections which can translate more a desire for love than a true love: "I am wary of these scenarios where the other does not have much space and must enter at all costs into a frame. To love is to start being ready to make room to the other, not only on his couch! "

Beautification

When we meet someone we like, we tend to minimize the obstacles and to increase the connivances. "Observe two partners in whom love is being born. They are amazed at their commonalities: "Child, you spent your holidays in Saint-Jean-de-Luz? Me too! "And to see a sign sent by heaven," smiled Catherine Bensaid. "Love has this ability to embellish the relationship, but also to make us more beautiful, more beautiful, through a process of self-idealization," notes Alain Héril. A sacred secondary benefit that is likely to make us blind. "

Let us not invent a fairy tale, in defiance of reality. "Young women tell me that if their partner never tells them" I love you ", it's because they do not think about it ... Blindness has limits! "Nuances the therapist. Many believe they are in love with someone while they are simply in love with love. In this case, the other is there only to fill an expectation, a need. How then can we know if it is love? The feeling is always out of control. "We are outdated, without intelligence, neither of the situation nor of ourselves. Do not doubt it, we are in love! To love is the most interesting experience of our human life. So let's leave aside our resistance and let us take it away, "encourages Sophie Cadalen. Nascent love is on the side of adventure.

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