Can be single and happy?

"My existence solo, I fully screw. I want to redo my life, but not at any price, "says Christelle, 35, divorced single mother for two years. "I take variants of love, the tenderness I found to my family and my daughter, the complicity that I share with my friends ..." At a time when marriage is no longer a must, where married life is thought more than CDI and CDD where society is increasingly individualistic, we all come to know of celibacy periods. The days Catherinettes were teased and ridiculed old boys. Today, the single will assume and some do not hesitate to praise the merits of the single life. Without making much for a life project.

Of blooming singles

Among the solos, many are proving that it is possible to exist and flourish outside the couple's life, which is often far from smooth sailing. Preferring, a time at least, celibacy. For Leah, 41, living alone is a choice. "I will not marry, I've seen too many disasters around me. However, I'm not saying I will not crack from time to time. Having a companion is significant but not full time. "Especially as women, who have gained financial independence, now have this choice.

Exit the image of unhappy unmarried and left behind. Place to that of celibacy can be a source of vitality. The key ? "If patronize oneself, to be more listening, responding Dominique Contardo-Jacquelin psychotherapist. Wondering about what would make me happy, the people I could meet ... "Also, find other areas of self-realization that the couple: professional, artistic, associative, sports ... But singles have beautiful prove that exist other than two is possible and enjoy a more positive image than before, they continue to bother.

The couple remains the norm

Isabelle is 37 years old. She is now single and childless. "At family gatherings, I generate indifference or discomfort. At work, I wipe all kinds of remarks. Previously, it made me jump. Now I try to detach myself from the mirror they plan on me and that is in no way my reflection. "Even today, we continue to expect the single one day he finds his own half. If possible before reaching thirty, fateful decade for those who are not yet "boxes". As for separate forties and fifties, he returned them to quickly turn the page and find someone immediately. "The pressure is actually far more insidious, explains Florence Maillochon, a sociologist and a researcher at INED. We are brought up in a very liberal ideology, ruled by the cult of individualism. There is no obligation to form a traditional family. But the incentive to be in torque remains very heavy. "

Media, advertising, dating sites ... Everywhere is the apology of the couple, which in our supposedly uninhibited society, remains the rule. It is a sign of socialization and, admittedly, a way to make it more comfortable existence: to face life and its trials, to buy a house, go on a trip, or simply go to hotel, better be both. In a world where everything is designed for couples, "it's hard to be alone, adds Jean-Michel Hirt, psychoanalyst. Many people believe, and I think rightly, that the great adventure of life is a love story. This is what is most exciting. "

Single and happy?

In couple, it is said, there is this joy to exchange, share together. "The day I got married, I felt relieved, tells plumedepaon our psychonaut. I never imagined myself to be happy otherwise. "Life together, a condition for happiness? For Jean-Michel Hirt, "this aspiration the couple has children. If his parents did not agree, we dream of having a clearing in adulthood. Otherwise, we try to relive something good. "Even if we go through periods of celibacy, so our ideal would be to find someone to move forward, build ...

"But the diktat of the couple no longer exists, analysis Dominique Contardo-Jacquelin. The torque is one of the facets of the identity of the construction. Today, each individual is allowed to become himself, without being in coping with someone else. For a long time, women are defined in relation to their husbands. Today, it's over. With more and more people, there is a fundamental requirement of becoming itself, define their preferences, make choices ... Self. And not on another. " And so live his celibacy, this privileged opportunity to make finding himself face to face with yourself, the best way to find later, more easily love?

Celibacy, a transitional period? 

November 2009. "New Start" Divorce Fair, separation and widowhood is held for the first time in Paris. Objective: to enable future and current divorced successful separation. And above all, to rebuild their lives. Club meetings, coaching all kinds -relooking, DECO agency offering travel solo ... After separation, a new marriage? Everything seems to invite these singles that should not stay too long.

Testimonial: "I discovered pretty good company"
Eva, 36, married 28 years. There are three years old, she is separated from the father of her children. They divorced last year.

"At first I was completely lost. I had never lived alone. The idea of ​​going to bed and age no one beside me worried me. The first to put pressure on me, my children, my five year old son in particular. The fact that I am only bothered him. He insisted that I have a lover, someone who loves me. I was very touched and, oddly too much déculpabilisée. I was worried about them, they were worried about me. We talked a lot together. Today, they do not find the same urgency. I am very much alone and they understood.

Now this is my environment that alarm. It's true that the first month the first year, could well give it to me, but three years, it's getting long. Regularly, I am asked if I met someone, we try to introduce myself a man. I say "no thank you", I laugh, I say I do not have time.

Before, I had "the fantasy of Ricorée family." It's over. I need to find a new model. But I am not tempted by that of the blended family. I'm used to joint custody: a week with the kids, all three; then a week alone in single. Sometimes I go out, sometimes I just taste this unique pleasure of silence, solitude. The idea of ​​sharing my bed do not care. That letting someone into my daily does not please me, I must admit. That's what shocks people, I think. They do not believe me.

For me, this celibacy is obviously not a life plan. But it is a fact that I'm used to which I have acquired a taste. I do not want you to invade that space of pure freedom. Sometimes I'm a little disturbed to see how I could see this solitude. I wonder if I have not lost the ability to love. But I think not. I did not shut up. I have a busy life, in which I also provided me with idle time. Basically, it is the great gain. That's what I'm not ready to give up. Living with someone - at least for someone like me - is to live constantly with the idea of ​​the other, his desires ... I always wondered what would please him. Today, I discovered my own taste, my limits. I feel very free, very strong. Finally, I discovered pretty good company. "