What triggers orgasm?

Fast or slow, intense or casual, easy or laborious ... The female orgasm is a fragile enjoyment, unpredictable, which arises then we do not expect or eclipse despite promising beginnings. Why is it more difficult for women than for men? Because the concerns of men are based more on desire than pleasure: not "will I enjoy? "But" do I thrill? ". Women know they, their pleasure is independent of their desire. However, far from easy recipes, we can try to understand and to remove blockages.

Self-esteem

This self-confidence that helps to live better every day is essential for access to female orgasm. In terms of sexuality, it goes through the body confidence, in the image that it returns. Nothing like a perfect body: on the contrary, the obsession with perfection can create an internal conflict, as the fear of showing naked, refusing to be cherished in certain places or control of his image for love ... the measurements, breast shape or size of the thighs have nothing to do with the intimate certainty that the body has the ability to give and receive pleasure.

Owning this intimate sense of security, is to stop thinking in terms of orgasm challenge, learn to enjoy at their own pace, not to focus on the pleasure of the partner, not waiting for ours to be exclusively dependent on his; is finally accepting that orgasm is the natural expression of sexual enjoyment that belongs to itself. Self-confidence is even escape the gaze guilt of past centuries - "Honest women do not have fun" - and the implicit injunctions of ours - "Mandatory Dividend and in all positions." Nobody knows better that every woman with whom, when and how she wants to make love. "Enjoy more than the neighbor, fantasize more than his colleague or have more lovers than his girlfriend can not lead us to an impasse," summarizes the sex therapist Alain Héril.

Letting go

For many women, the fun is worrying - psychically, penetration is never insignificant. They continue to alternate between penis envy and fear of intrusion. Depending on the day, at different times, both sentiments succeed. "If pleasure is expected and even claimed, advance the psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc (author of Women's sexuality is not the magazines (La Martinière), he continues to worry about the unconscious women because they may be afraid of invasion and doubt their ability to host the human sex. "

To this concern is added that of being submerged, washed away by the orgasm, which is not for nothing denominates "little death." The fun does not he may swallow them? Why do not they manage to let go to listen to that little voice that guides them to orgasm? Because they fear that this voice does not reveal things not very pleasant about themselves, a little disgusting, even? Or it makes their utter obscenities that would come out of their mouths like toads escaping the lips of the mean girls in fairy tales? Women are afraid to discover that their pleasure is unfaithful to what they believe and want to be. Releasing these unconscious fears is possible when the brain can disconnect to focus on the sensations felt.

The trust in others

Life partner or one-night, the condition for orgasm is trust. For another, man or woman, has the extraordinary power to inhibit or release. For sexologist Jean-Michel Fitremann, author of ABC of sexuality (Grancher), "the right partner is the one that does not put us in danger. It is connected to his desire and that of his partner, he has no plan and no ulterior motive, it leaves sufficient space for joint creation. " With him, nothing seems ridiculous, inappropriate, repetitive or degrading treatment.

Trusting each other is, again, out of the imposed standards to support each other and nurture an emotional dialogue that goes through the body. It's also stop wearing a look at his pleasure, "If overwhelmed by pseudo-knowledge of the type" men love oral sex "removes any chance to meet and to meet the other, provides psychoanalyst Sophie Cadalen, author of women Dreams: should dare fantasies? (Leduc.s Editions). Better to forget about it, fun is never where commonplaces ahead. "What I like, me? What do I want, me? are the only questions to ask.

Fantasies

Making love with others, in a church on a sunny beach ... To achieve the acme of pleasure, we all need these little exciting inner films that feed the desire. The most common scenarios and, according to the Freudian psychoanalysts, the most effective depict situations of domination or humiliation. For man to be handled by an expert woman (or, conversely, dominate pure girl). For women, being PTO.

This is also the conclusion of Claude Crépault, sexology professor at the University of Quebec, Canada. This is not masochism, instead of staging to say, "I am in no way responsible pleasure that I take, I experienced the desire of the other. "According to the Canadian expert, these fantasies are the" most archaic that are. " They would be processed remains of infantile sexuality, where the desire of the child goes to his father or mother figures on which it depends and to whom he must obey.

Our most intimate fantasies never give a good image of ourselves. They are our perverse side, according to the Freudians. Yet, unlike the real perverts who need to put in action to enjoy, so-called "normal" people almost always satisfy their erotic fantasies, solitary or shared with the partner. "Nothing much could collapse a realized desire. The trivializes real desire. This vacuum of his magic, "wrote Claude Crépault. Living in the present, the concrete, may be a key to better live the everyday, but it's not the royal road to orgasm.

Acceptance

Orgasm is unpredictable or unexpected. And we must accept that pleasure is waiting for you. Or not ... "is found in the sexual act unique sensations that do not expect the orgasm to exist," reassures Catherine Blanc. The womb, we keep the memory of the movements of our body against the uterine wall. Touch gestures of love we refer to this time of softness in contact with the skins. The sexual act is a sublime moment of incarnation emotions. At that moment, we seem to be only sensations chills, tension, relaxation or crying or laughter. "Orgasm says Catherine Blanc, those few seconds of intense pleasure, is only the culmination of all that. We become emotionally, and this is the enjoyment. "

Orgasm is an indoor dance, for many women, is made with time, that they need to let go, enter in the privacy of their feelings, their desires, their desire . Discover a new dimension of self, let his body take orders, freely express his animal side, but also cultivate the garden of the senses and fantasies ...

Access to the enjoyment requires one beyond the superficial and comfortable knowledge that we have of her sexuality to take the risk of discovery. "We get to adolescence sexual capital, but to enjoy rewarding way developed, that is to say no repeatedly, we have to refine, develop, says psychoanalyst Gérard Bonnet, author of the Irresistible sex Power (Payot). It is the job of a lifetime. A job that requires curiosity and creativity, and we made two. "

Knowing the better to surprise, this could be the motto of those who are not content with a mechanical enjoyment. "The playful dimension of sexuality is essential," says Mireille Bonierbale, author, Nadine Grafeille Chevret and Marie-Measson, the Five Senses and Love (Robert Laffont), physician and sexologist. And play is to accept the ups and downs of the sexual encounter. Sometimes wonderful, sometimes less. In sexuality, set a goal that is based on a bad road. We must accept that expresses that part of ourselves that escapes us.

Clitoral or vaginal?

One is no more "adult" than the other, although reading some psychoanalysis testing suggests otherwise. If they are distinct is that they refer to different fantastical situations. The clitoral orgasm refers to a self-vision phallic active - symbolically, the clitoris is the penile equivalent. He recalled the innate psychic bisexuality of the human being marked by Freud in children of both sexes. It can also occur in early childhood, when the girl, except in cases of sexual abuse, unaware of her vagina. It is "fast, liberating and is part of a drive-register".

The vaginal orgasm, says the father of psychoanalysis, requires the consent of the gift of self and the discovery of this "active passivity" characteristic of female sexuality. He has written, clumsily, in 1922, he signed sexually mature woman. With the gradual release of the female voice on sexuality, modern sexologists find that almost all women are able to get a clitoral orgasm, if only in masturbating. In contrast, only a third accede to vaginal orgasm.