The 6 Signs of Emerging Love

Of course, there is the thunderbolt, brutal, without appeal, which does not entail any procrastination. It is crazy love at first glance, even if this runaway, like the fire of straw, lasts sometimes only a short time. And then there is the nascent love which takes its time to reveal itself. Not necessarily less promising, but more ambiguous in its manifestations. It is he of whom we speak when we whisper in the ear of a friend: "You know, I think I love him ..."

This uncertainty, far from invalidating the force of feeling, reflects a battle in the process of indulging in us. "Many things attract us to the other - recognition, confidence, a sense of peace, joy ... - and almost as much as we are away from it - fear of being rejected, becoming dependent, being invaded, not being ready, "says psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Catherine Bensaid. Hence these three steps forward, a step back, waltz-hesitation which often marks a keen interest! Deciphering the signs of this newborn and still stammering love.

Pink cheeks

Often, in love, it is the body that speaks first, even if we strive to ignore the signs it sends. "Anxiety causes a surge of adrenaline, which causes an acceleration of the heartbeat, excessive sweating," explains the doctor and sexologist Ghislaine Paris. But at the same time, the feeling of love releases dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins, as opposed to adrenaline. These hormones of love will result in dilated blood vessels, which gives pink cheeks and, lesser known, color the neck. These marblings attract the eye. Now, the neck is an area of ​​fragility par excellence in humans. In a very archaic way, when we fall in love with someone, we present this area to the other, overturning our heads, a proof of abandonment and trust. "

The voice also changes: "Women tend to raise their tone, adopt a sharper voice, while men take a more hoarse voice, in order to seduce each other," continues the specialist. In case of doubt, let us be sure that "the body has its reasons that reason ignores," to paraphrase Blaise Pascal.

The blunders

We want to be interesting and we only come out of banalities. We would like to make some impression, but we spill our glass ... "One evening, I went to dine with a man I liked very much in a Lebanese restaurant. On the table there were raw vegetables and a little chili that I took for a sweet pepper. I crunched in and instantly my tongue doubled in volume. We landed in the ER! "Says Marianne, 40, decorator.

The sex therapist Alain Héril sees in this testimony the strength of desire in its raw state, and in this burning language an excellent means of preventing speech from being said to the benefit of emotion. "All these blunders are an indirect way of pointing out to the other that we are troubled by him, that he makes us lose all our means," he explains. It is a strong sign that we send it, although in appearance it seems counterproductive. "Same psychoanalyst Sophie Cadalen, for these missed acts:" That is very promising! Our unconscious amuses us to play tricks. Our appreciation of the situation flies between us, it is always the sign of an important encounter. "

Tactics

Inborn love is filled with doubts and torments. And, sometimes, ridiculous tactics to hide them. We pretend not to wait for a phone call, we pretend to be taken for the evening, when we are free like the wind, and then we mop. What do these scenes hide? "The fear of revealing oneself, at the risk of being dismissed, answers Alain Héril. It is our narcissism that is at stake. They often sign a mistrust of oneself. "

Let us add that we advance in unknown territory, obliged to think in the place of the other, to behave as we think he would like us to behave, when we ignore it! The natural is not really at the rendezvous ... Fortunately, Sophie Cadalen reassures us: "No strategy can withstand love. Feigning indifference only works if we are relatively detached. "

Resistance

"No, it's not possible, it's not my kind!" And then it's too early, too late, too much... "An almost infallible sign of rising love: the resistance we oppose. "When we are faced with a partner who does not correspond to our conscious criteria, but who unconsciously destabilizes us, we lose our footing," analyzes Alain Héril. Unsustained, we try at all costs to return to the right path by reasoning. Let us add that, frightened by our desire, to which, in most cases, we are not accustomed to making room, we are tempted to flee. This vertigo is accompanied by a feeling of panic: it's all very well, we whisper a little voice, but if it did not last? As much as anticipate this potential sorrow and flee the happiness of fear that it does not run away.

The projections

Another sign of nascent love, this propensity we have to project ourselves in a happy future, even the most prosaic ... "The first time I met Philippe, I immediately saw myself coiled up against him on a sofa watching my favorite TV show, "smiled Lucille, 45, a nurse. For Alain Héril, these projections are a way of reassuring us about the unfolding of the future: "In passing a film in which the other loves us and desires us, we jump the obstacle of the uncertainty that characterizes nascent love. "

Sophie Cadalen warns against these hasty projections which can translate more a desire for love than a true love: "I am wary of these scenarios where the other does not have much space and must enter at all costs into a frame. To love is to start being ready to make room to the other, not only on his couch! "

Beautification

When we meet someone we like, we tend to minimize the obstacles and to increase the connivances. "Observe two partners in whom love is being born. They are amazed at their commonalities: "Child, you spent your holidays in Saint-Jean-de-Luz? Me too! "And to see a sign sent by heaven," smiled Catherine Bensaid. "Love has this ability to embellish the relationship, but also to make us more beautiful, more beautiful, through a process of self-idealization," notes Alain Héril. A sacred secondary benefit that is likely to make us blind. "

Let us not invent a fairy tale, in defiance of reality. "Young women tell me that if their partner never tells them" I love you ", it's because they do not think about it ... Blindness has limits! "Nuances the therapist. Many believe they are in love with someone while they are simply in love with love. In this case, the other is there only to fill an expectation, a need. How then can we know if it is love? The feeling is always out of control. "We are outdated, without intelligence, neither of the situation nor of ourselves. Do not doubt it, we are in love! To love is the most interesting experience of our human life. So let's leave aside our resistance and let us take it away, "encourages Sophie Cadalen. Nascent love is on the side of adventure.